ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So many bounce houses so little time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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