I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
