You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
