you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
