the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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