So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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