I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
porn star boner night. come get it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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