I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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