I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
