I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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