I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I puked a lego.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize