whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
