Screwed.edu
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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