I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
