I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
