You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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