Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
