Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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