goodnight i made you a song goodbye
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
