He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
