sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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