Dual....:-)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
