There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
