By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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