FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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