VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
