I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
