Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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