The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
