I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Couch. On fire.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
