If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
