He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
