just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
