So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
