Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
