When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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