Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
