Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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