I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
