There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
