I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
