Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
