Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
