and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
