yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
