You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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