At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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