So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
