In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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