Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
40s are totally the cure
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
