I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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