the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
