dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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