If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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