His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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