May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
