I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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