eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
