I want to stick my p in your. b.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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