Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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