Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
