just tell him i said nine months
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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