ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
