This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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