when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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