Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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