im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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