i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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