you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
