Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
