nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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