everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
