Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
