im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize