That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
