Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
