You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
