This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
