none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
