Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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