There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
