apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
