Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
