On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were destined to go to rehab together
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
