found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
