Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
