ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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