the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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