Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
