its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
