You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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