We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ttyl tear gas
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
