this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
